Military send-offs are never easy, but joining the Army the day before your mother’s birthday probably ranks high on the list of “ … ways to really piss off someone you love.” The date was February 8, 1983. My mom had driven me (in silence) to the local Greyhound bus station where I had a one-way ticket bound for Los Angeles. I was nervous, but excited to start a new chapter.

About a month earlier, I had broken the news to friends and family, and as expected - was met with mixed reactions - especially from my mom who’s response was given in a tone that caused an extreme visceral reaction. I knew our conversation wasn’t going to be easy (they never were); but, given her own service in the Marine Corps two decades earlier, I honestly believed that some enthusiasm was forthcoming. Not a chance. Instead, I was chastised for joining a service that “…had the absolute ugliest uniforms” and for the next fifteen-plus years became accustomed to her nagging disdain that I never understood.

My mother passed in late 2023, at which time I assumed responsibility for settling her affairs. She did not have much; but nearly every cupboard or closet (lest the kitchen) had boxes filled with photos, albums, scrapbooks, etc. While I recognized the majority of these items, I came across one small envelope addressed to the both of us from my father - a man I knew only by what was printed on my birth certificate. 

Handwritten on two 4” x 6” notepad-sized pages, his words confirmed what my mom had painfully struggled to tell me many years earlier - that he did not want to be a parent and completely abandoned us when I was less than six months old. Several weeks later, another revelation took place when I received a copy of my mom’s military discharge certificate, which provided yet another twist - that being her involuntary discharge from the Marines due to pregnancy* (with me) - a fact that she kept secret from me and (seemingly) her own family for sixty years.

Connecting the Dots began thereafter as a response to discovering these familial truths - a means to unpack and make sense of my history and identity and to find compassion for a woman that had endured more loss, pain and disappointment than I ever imagined. Created from vintage/vernacular photos, memorabilia, historical documents and personal commentary, this work documents the intersecting narratives of my mother, father and self - each experiencing military service through a different lens. 

*Thousands of women service members were involuntarily discharged due to pregnancy/motherhood with no separation benefits nor an opportunity to return to duty during the period 1951 - 1976 in accordance with existing federal policy. Of note are the efforts being made by U.S. Congresswoman Julia Brownley (D-CA, 26th District) who introduced legislation this year (WISER Act) that would provide discharge upgrades, increased access to health care, and one-time payments to those affected.